Connecting Purpose With Praise

God gives each of us a purpose. Our purpose may shift and change throughout the various seasons of our lives, but whatever season we are in, God is calling us to something.
God’s greatest 2 commands are to love Him with all of our hearts, souls, and minds, and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). This is truly God’s greatest calling. When we love Him and love others and infuse our lives with praise to Him, we are fulfilling God’s greatest purpose in our lives.
God also gives us unique gifts and wants us to use them for His glory. I believe as we serve God and our neighbor, God reveals those gifts to us. As we serve in love, we learn what acts of service fill us with great joy. 
If you are in a season where you are unsure of God’s calling, find ways to love and serve. When you do this, you will learn what excites you and what doesn’t. We are all created uniquely and what sets our spirits on fire is different for each of us. Thank God ahead of time that He will reveal His will to you. Connecting purpose with praise is the key to unlocking God’s unique plan for each season in your life.

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The Shoreline Center

I began working as an ABA Technician at The Shoreline Center in December of 2017 and have been very impressed with the services being provided to the community.  The staff is committed to making a difference in the lives of their clients and families.  There is a team approach to everything, which I love.  From the moment one enters the lobby, there is a sense of community. There is also a feeling of hope, stemming from the knowledge that an entire team of people is available to meet each client and family’s individual needs. Comfort comes from knowing others understand the unique challenges they are facing and have agreed to journey along side them on life’s path.  They are no longer walking alone.

The vision for The Shoreline Center was born in the hearts of Katie and Dan Radley. When they ran into difficulty finding resources for their son with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), they decided to come up with a solution.  Too much time was spent on the road, waiting for and researching therapy options.  Katie and Dan quickly realized many people in the community faced similar challenges and desired a way to meet the many needs of these individuals. Their goal was (and still is) to bring convenient, affordable excellent quality services to the lakeshore and surrounding communities.

As parents of a child, with ASD, Katie and Dan know the importance of serving the family unit as a whole.  Therefore, services at The Shoreline Center encompass a variety of needs.  Services include ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Therapy, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Individual and Group Counseling, and Social Skills groups.  The therapists provide services to families, adults, teens, and children with a variety of needs, including challenging behaviors, anxiety, depression, autism spectrum disorders, and other developmental disabilities.  IEP Planning, Transition Services, and Resource Coordination Services are also provided. 

The Shoreline Center is located at 16930 Robbins Road, Suite 120 in Grand Haven, MI 49417.  The phone number is 616-935-7606.  The staff offers a 10 minute complimentary phone call with one of their clinicians. There are additional resources and information listed on their website: www.theshorelinecenter.com

Blending the Old with the New

Blending the Old With the New

This post is another of my friend Laura’s.  Change (even good change) is often difficult for individuals with autism.  Below Laura describes a difficult time recently.  I love how the lesson she learns is to blend the new with the old, therefore making life transitions less challenging for everyone. 

Laura’s post is below.  Thank you again for sharing your journey with us, Laura.

“Big ... tough ... stressful, disappointing lesson learned this last week. Autism is hard, I know I say that all the time, autism done right is full of schedules and predictability and knowing what happens next. But even when you think you have it all in place, and you feel super prepared, it can still blow up on you. It’s not just hard for the caregiver preparing, but it’s really hard for the person with autism to prepare for something new. Even tho this was an old activity, it was all new this time.

Last week was hard for Trevor. We made the decision that it was time for an outing, that he was ready ... not just for the day, but for several days. He always looks forward to seeing fireworks at my brothers house in WI and staying at Grandma and Grandpa’s house so we thought it was the perfect idea and chance to go. His Dad picked him up and brought him to his house on Friday night and I would pick him up to head to WI Saturday morning. Trev had a calendar up for the last week in his room and was counting the days. It showed the day he would be at dad’s, the days at grandma’s and then back to Trevor’s house. Things were bumpy at his Dads house ... even tho he tried to do all of Trevor’s favorite things and get him his favorite Mr Scribs pizza, it still wasn’t a great night. When I picked him up in the morning, he was ready to go, but continually talked about moms house and “no Trevor’s house.” I tried my best to just focus on being at Grandma’s house. He had in his head and said it to me in several ways that we were going home in Moms grey car, going to Trevor’s house “drive through” (never heard that before) and getting his muppet tapes and dvds and going back to Mom’s house. I tried not to say anything I just wanted the five hour car ride to be over in a blink ... it was five long hours of hearing the request over and over and not being able to give him the answer he wanted. We picked up Dad for backup support as we got to Michigan and were headed over to Trevor’s. He actually seemed to turn it around and for two hours, he laughed and sang and seemed ok. But the minute we got off the highway on his exit ... he started back with “no Trevor’s house, I do not like Trevor’s house” (that phrase only comes out when he’s really serious.) And he cried and whined and yelled and just wanted to go to Mom’s house (“please Mom” and then I have to say “ Moms house is closed”) Then he even went to so far as to say, “yes Grand Haven, yes Spring Lake coming soon” he left no stone unturned. 

So we get in the building and he heads right towards his room and when we get in there he starts to pack up the things he talked about earlier. He had them all in his hand and was asking for a bag to put them in ... and he was ready to leave. It was awful and heart breaking and even more difficult then leaving him the first day. We talked it through, and after a bit of yelling and screaming etc. we wrote on the calendar when I would be visiting next, I got him ready for bed and I kissed him good bye, a few minutes later, his Dad did the same. Our drive home was spent talking about not so much failing, but learning a really tough lesson. This was too much, maybe too soon or maybe ever. We decide we have to develop new family activities that are fun and exciting on that side of the state. We need to bring the holidays and special events to somewhere near him, where he can go “home” at night so things remain the same and remain constant. I felt horrible for days ... 💔 heartbreaking to tell your child your house is “closed” to them. For all you parents that hope your child never moves back home ... let them do it if they need to for awhile, never totally shut that door. It’s a feeling I can’t even describe. 

But I’m very happy to report on a super positive note ... I went back Friday just like I said I would on the calendar (I was very nervous) and we went to the movie theater to see Incredibles  2 ... it wasnt the Grand Haven 9 or Celebration Cinema ... It had a new name ... Lapeer Movie Theater ... and that was a good thing. We had a great time, no anxiety, no stress,  no asking to come to Mom’s house. So we will keep adding new symbols with new names into his schedule book and try to replace the old ones in his memory ( I know those will never go away, but hopefully fade a little) It was a great visit and I felt 1000 times better leaving Friday night than I did on last Monday. Hard lesson learned ... you don’t know till you try, and you learn something new every time you do try. 

Many hugs to all of my friends, thanks for all of the love and support. I appreciate every time someone asks how he is doing. Sometimes I share a little ... sometimes you may see the big long post and scroll right past it, because it’s just too much information... and that’s ok too.”

Changing Our World To Fit Theirs

Changing Our World To Fit Theirs

The following post is from my friend Laura Marcus Nolan.  Laura has a grown son with autism named Trevor.  She recently made the difficult decision to move Trevor to a home that best meets his needs as a young adult.  As a mom, I know how difficult it is when our children move out of the home.  It is a very bittersweet time.  A mom who has a child with unique abilities has many of the same feelings, in addition to uncertainty about the special challenges her child will face.

As a teacher, I can relate to Laura’s thoughts of how she sometimes tries to create Trevor’s world to the way she thinks it should be.  We as teachers (and people in general) often try to mold individuals to fit our idea of what is best, instead of letting them lead the way in showing us their needs and desires.  My daughter Heather and I described this in a song we co-wrote several years ago.  A line in the song, “Bridging Our Worlds” states, “It’s hard to change your world to fit mine.  Maybe you could change your world – world’s design.”  In other words, maybe we should modify our world to accommodate others instead of always expecting them to change.  In fact, for many individuals with autism, it is impossible to change.  They would have to change their very DNA. 

Laura’s post reminded me to be a better listener and not be too hasty to jump in with solutions.  Her post is below.  Thank you so much for sharing, Laura!

“I made a conscious effort to change my way of thinking. I sat here in the dark listening to / watching Trevor sleeping and began to realize how much I try to create and mold his world to the way I think it should be. 

Tomorrow Trev is moving to a place that we believe is a truly unique and safe environment for him. A home he can be himself in, yet still enjoy activities, and being around others. 

Tonight is his last night to sleep on the grey couch ... he loves the grey couch ... tonight I wonder to myself, why did I make him get up and sleep in his bed so many nights if he was comfortable on the grey couch? Who am I to continue to decide what’s best or most comfortable for him? I’ve made the majority of his decisions in his life time. I need to remind myself that even tho he has autism ... he is 27 years old. Anyone that knows him would agree that he knows how to make himself comfortable! If he decides he is and says “yes grey couch, no bedroom” ... yet I make him move to his bed because I think, he needs to sleep in his comfy bed, who is getting what they want and need? He’s told me what he wants, but I don’t think it’s what he needs, so I’m the Mom, I must be right? I need to change this thinking so that I can feel confident he can make choices on a daily basis and be successful. If he wants to wear socks with sandals and I try to get him to change, ... who am I? the fashion police? If he’s comfortable he’s happy. 

Having autism is like living on an IV of truth serum ... there are no white lies, there is no political correctness, and fashion is strictly about comfort. 

When we found this home, we were against it before we saw it, but we felt we needed to visit so we could say we looked and give reasons why it wouldn’t work. #1 it was 2.5 hours away. But, shortly after walking in, I knew deep down that this place would best fulfill his needs, be able to handle his wants and be a place he could continue to build and sustain relationships in. This was IT. Maybe the drive didn’t fit my needs, but the bottom line is that isn’t what’s important. 

So, tomorrow adds another chapter to this story we call life. Tomorrow we move his stuff and Friday Trevor can show us just how independent he is. Knowing that every choice he makes may not always be the best one, I must be proud of him for making it. Just because it wouldn’t have been mine, doesn’t mean it’s not a good one. 

Ok friends ... please send some love and positive energy to Trevor, and also a little to me. I may need it more than he does ... and I truly hope that is the case. If Trevor is happy, Mom will be happy. 

xoxo love you all and thanks for following along with us in the journey.” 
 

Meaningful Employment

Meaningful Employment

I wonder how many of our adults with unique abilities are employed in their areas of passion, as opposed to a job that simply provides a paycheck.  A paycheck is not a bad thing by any means.  We probably have all had jobs – maybe still do – that simply provide a way to pay our bills.  There is nothing wrong with that, but I’m concerned about our adults that get their first job and then stay there, even when they outgrow the responsibilities required to perform in their positions.  Often they stay simply because they don’t know their options.

A speaker at a conference I attended stated that often we help adults get jobs and check the box with finality, as if to say, “There. That’s done.”  Do we check in often with our adults and employers to make sure the position is a good fit?  Do we ask the adults if they are fulfilled there or if there is something else they would like to try?  Our dreams often shift and change over our lifetime.  Our adults with unique abilities are no different.   Are they aware of ALL of their options?  It is up to us to ask.

Many parents believe the “professionals” know best. As a teacher, I used to tell our parents, “YOU are the professional when it comes to your child. YOU know your child best.” I can tell parents about how the school works, what services we provide, what opportunities are out there... but eventually they have to know what’s best for their child. I know it’s crazy, but I love parents who disagree with me, who fight for their children. These are the children who grow up to be successful adults. I definitely don’t know everything! 

A parent of an adult child confessed to me the other day that she attended a meeting where a professional informed the parents that the only jobs available to their adult children were cart collecting, working in a restaurant, and cleaning.  NO!!!  This is incorrect information!  These jobs are not wrong by any means.  They just shouldn’t be a stopping point.  Many adults will love these types of jobs and will thrive in them, but others will grow bored and want to move on.  I flipped burgers at McDonalds for my first job.  The job provided me with many great opportunities:  I learned invaluable skills like how to take and follow directions from a boss; the importance of showing up to work every day and on time; the value of going above and beyond the required expectations.  I was reviewed every 3 months and given a raise if my work was rated highly enough.  It was a wonderful experience, but I also knew I didn’t want to flip burgers for the rest of my life.  I had different gifts and skills I wanted to put to use as an employee. 

It is no different for our adults.  Some of the people I worked with at McDonalds loved it there.  A few went to Hamburger University (yes, there is such a place) and learned how to manage McDonalds restaurants.  Others, like me, moved on to try other professions.  The point is, once our adults are placed in employment, let’s make sure we check in and confirm they are fulfilled there. Let’s share other options and opportunities as warranted.  And, let’s not rule out college for our adults.  One of my friends tried out community college for her son and was pleasantly surprised to discover he has expertise with computer and accounting skills.  If she had written off his desire to attend college, she and her son would never have known he possessed these particular skills.

I can’t stress enough the importance of making sure our adults have meaningful employment.  Ask them about their dreams for their lives.  If they can’t express what they want or don’t know what their passions and skills are, offer them opportunities of discovery until you see their faces light up with interest and enthusiasm.  Teachers and parents, you know what I mean.  By providing our adults ways to use their unique skills and abilities, everyone benefits.  Our adults grow and bloom into the people they are created to be and the companies blessed enough to employ them benefit from having an adult who is excited to be at work every day, recognizing the value they add to the organization. 

More Disabling Than Using A Wheelchair

My friend Lucia Rios shared the following post on Facebook the other night:

“A situation has been gnawing at me since Friday. I believed at the time, and the next day, that it was ironic and tried to shrug it off as a person who meant well. Yet the feelings of inadequacy surfaced and doubt reared over my spirit.

I co-facilitated an eight hour training on diversity, inclusion and disability. It was amazing! I learned so much, felt purpose and was excited to engage leaders in understanding.

Before arriving home I stopped at the store. I engaged with the cashier and this was how the conversation went.

Cashier: How are you?                                                                 
Me: Tired. I'm so glad it's Friday. 
Cashier: You work?
Me: Yes. 
Cashier: Do you know you can get social security disability?
Me: Uh, yeah. 
Cashier: Do you work so you can get out of the house?
Me: Yeah. (I didn't want to go through the motions of telling her what I could do.) I like to be around people.

This, my friends, is not an exaggeration. Assumptions are made so easily, and my ability is defined before I even speak. It's the visible that defines what I can or cannot do and that is disabling.

I share these examples to educate. I don't want comments saying how inspiring or strong I am. This is my reality. I am a human being living and contributing among those who only see the circumstances I was born with. Who only see the wheelchair, short stature and what are presumed to be physical limitations.

Attitudes and assumptions are truly more disabling than using a wheelchair. If only we could see one another based on how much they have to offer.

My spirit feels sad tonight. I just wanted to acknowledge that for myself, but also hope we can all look at one another as human beings with so much potential.”

Lucia has a wonderful job at Disability Network Lakeshore.  She is a passionate advocate and educator in the community.  She tirelessly breaks down barriers between those with disabilities and those without.  She is a phenomenal author and speaker.  Her wheelchair does not define her.  Unfortunately for Lucia, and others with visible disabilities, many people see the wheelchair or other noticeable differences first and don’t take the time to get to know the fabulous person beyond. 

It is extremely unfortunate that we are missing out on opportunities in our communities because we don’t see the tremendous ABILITIES in people.  We are so accustomed to noticing the exterior first that we miss the unique skills people have to offer. Never assume people don’t work simply because they have a disability.  Ask where they work, what they do for a living - questions you would typically ask someone you just met.  Most individuals want to work.  They want to give back to their communities, they want connection with others, and they want to use their gifts and skills.  Like all of us, they want PURPOSE in their lives.  We need to start noticing and appreciating the potential in each other.  By discounting even one person, a piece of the puzzle is missing that makes up our world, resulting in an incomplete work of art.  To quote Lucia, “Attitudes and assumptions are truly more disabling than using a wheelchair.”

Using Strengths in Transition

I began Transition Bridges because I saw a need to "bridge the gap" between graduation and employment opportunities for my adults with unique abilities.  So many people were sitting at home without direction for their futures.  Some had tried employment and failed for one reason or another.  Others had no idea what direction to take. Still others had an idea, but were simply afraid to take the next step.  

The adults had so many different needs that for awhile I felt overwhelmed as to where to start.  I soon realized I was in a transition of my own.  I had taken a leap of faith from what was safe and comfortable into a completely unknown future.  I understood how my adults felt once they left the familiar routine of academics.  I needed a starting point.  I began to reach out to various community members and seek advice.  Many of our adults don't even know what resources are available to them.  One of the first things that had to happen was to educate them about all of the accessible community resources.  (The community resources are listed on the Resource Page of this website).  

I also realized I didn't know myself well.  I was so busy raising a family, teaching and living life that I never stopped to think about my areas of strength.  Did I even have any besides being a wife, mom and teacher?  I met a Strengths Finder coach and immediately knew he was one of the answers I had prayed for.  My coach, Ken Barr Jr., is phenomenal.  I probably never would have tried to find a coach on my own.  I discovered my strengths are arranger, connectedness, developer, belief and positivity.  In a nutshell, I like to take a lot of different ideas and arrange and connect them until I have developed something new that will benefit many people, satisfying my need to act on my belief that everyone has something unique to offer the world and thus making the world a more positive place.  Phew! Of course, there is a lot more to it than that, but knowing my strengths gave me such a profound look at how I was created and how I can best serve others.  

I wanted this same insight for my adults with unique abilities. So often, because of the nature of the Individual Education Plan (IEP), our students know what their challenges are, but not what their strengths are.  There is no blame here.  In order to receive services, we have to prove deficit areas.  The problem is, by the time our students graduate, they may never have discovered their unique abilities.  I wanted my adults to benefit from knowing their strengths.  I am now coaching my former students.  I love seeing their faces light up once they discover their unique set of skills.  From there we can determine the next steps to take.  

The interesting thing is, many adults are like me and have reached midlife without knowing their strengths.  Transition Bridges has become important for anyone in a life transition, not just people with unique abilities.  I find myself coaching other adults as well and loving it.  There is so much power in knowing what our strengths are. We all have them, although I have had individuals who don't believe it.  I like to prove them wrong.  :)  Strengths are simply the natural things we do without even thinking about it.  In fact, they are so simple we think everyone has the same abilities we do.  They don't.  Each of us is unique.  We all have something to contribute to the well being of others.  

So where to go from here?  It is my deepest desire to see our adults connected to meaningful employment once they know and understand their areas of passions and abilities.  Our adults with unique abilities desire to use their gifts just like all of us.  They are excellent employees because they often don't take a job for granted.  They appreciate an employer who offers them an opportunity to contribute to their place of employment.  It gives me great joy to help people in a life transition who want to capitalize on their strengths to serve others.  When people are operating out of their strength areas, everyone benefits.