Blending the Old With the New
This post is another of my friend Laura’s. Change (even good change) is often difficult for individuals with autism. Below Laura describes a difficult time recently. I love how the lesson she learns is to blend the new with the old, therefore making life transitions less challenging for everyone.
Laura’s post is below. Thank you again for sharing your journey with us, Laura.
“Big ... tough ... stressful, disappointing lesson learned this last week. Autism is hard, I know I say that all the time, autism done right is full of schedules and predictability and knowing what happens next. But even when you think you have it all in place, and you feel super prepared, it can still blow up on you. It’s not just hard for the caregiver preparing, but it’s really hard for the person with autism to prepare for something new. Even tho this was an old activity, it was all new this time.
Last week was hard for Trevor. We made the decision that it was time for an outing, that he was ready ... not just for the day, but for several days. He always looks forward to seeing fireworks at my brothers house in WI and staying at Grandma and Grandpa’s house so we thought it was the perfect idea and chance to go. His Dad picked him up and brought him to his house on Friday night and I would pick him up to head to WI Saturday morning. Trev had a calendar up for the last week in his room and was counting the days. It showed the day he would be at dad’s, the days at grandma’s and then back to Trevor’s house. Things were bumpy at his Dads house ... even tho he tried to do all of Trevor’s favorite things and get him his favorite Mr Scribs pizza, it still wasn’t a great night. When I picked him up in the morning, he was ready to go, but continually talked about moms house and “no Trevor’s house.” I tried my best to just focus on being at Grandma’s house. He had in his head and said it to me in several ways that we were going home in Moms grey car, going to Trevor’s house “drive through” (never heard that before) and getting his muppet tapes and dvds and going back to Mom’s house. I tried not to say anything I just wanted the five hour car ride to be over in a blink ... it was five long hours of hearing the request over and over and not being able to give him the answer he wanted. We picked up Dad for backup support as we got to Michigan and were headed over to Trevor’s. He actually seemed to turn it around and for two hours, he laughed and sang and seemed ok. But the minute we got off the highway on his exit ... he started back with “no Trevor’s house, I do not like Trevor’s house” (that phrase only comes out when he’s really serious.) And he cried and whined and yelled and just wanted to go to Mom’s house (“please Mom” and then I have to say “ Moms house is closed”) Then he even went to so far as to say, “yes Grand Haven, yes Spring Lake coming soon” he left no stone unturned.
So we get in the building and he heads right towards his room and when we get in there he starts to pack up the things he talked about earlier. He had them all in his hand and was asking for a bag to put them in ... and he was ready to leave. It was awful and heart breaking and even more difficult then leaving him the first day. We talked it through, and after a bit of yelling and screaming etc. we wrote on the calendar when I would be visiting next, I got him ready for bed and I kissed him good bye, a few minutes later, his Dad did the same. Our drive home was spent talking about not so much failing, but learning a really tough lesson. This was too much, maybe too soon or maybe ever. We decide we have to develop new family activities that are fun and exciting on that side of the state. We need to bring the holidays and special events to somewhere near him, where he can go “home” at night so things remain the same and remain constant. I felt horrible for days ... 💔 heartbreaking to tell your child your house is “closed” to them. For all you parents that hope your child never moves back home ... let them do it if they need to for awhile, never totally shut that door. It’s a feeling I can’t even describe.
But I’m very happy to report on a super positive note ... I went back Friday just like I said I would on the calendar (I was very nervous) and we went to the movie theater to see Incredibles 2 ... it wasnt the Grand Haven 9 or Celebration Cinema ... It had a new name ... Lapeer Movie Theater ... and that was a good thing. We had a great time, no anxiety, no stress, no asking to come to Mom’s house. So we will keep adding new symbols with new names into his schedule book and try to replace the old ones in his memory ( I know those will never go away, but hopefully fade a little) It was a great visit and I felt 1000 times better leaving Friday night than I did on last Monday. Hard lesson learned ... you don’t know till you try, and you learn something new every time you do try.
Many hugs to all of my friends, thanks for all of the love and support. I appreciate every time someone asks how he is doing. Sometimes I share a little ... sometimes you may see the big long post and scroll right past it, because it’s just too much information... and that’s ok too.”